April is Autism Awareness Month AND Sexual Assault Awareness Month, and this week’s post will touch on both. A friend asked me what these topics have to do with coffee. They don’t have anything to do with coffee, but they have everything to do with I stand for. I endeavor to make Galaxy Girl Coffee a safe space for EVERYONE, regardless of race, religious beliefs, sexual orientation, health conditions, gender identity, or political opinions. My mother raised me to believe everyone is deserving of dignity, respect, and compassion, and I work hard to follow that guide.
Please be aware that there may be personal triggers in the is post. I apologize for any harm done, but this topic does need to be discussed.
As I’ve touched on before, I was recently diagnosed with Autism, along with my ADHD. I had suspected for a couple of years that I was Autistic but hadn’t really internalized what that meant until I got my diagnosis. I didn’t think about those around me that possibly were undiagnosed neurodivergent in my previous occupation as a Navy Nuclear Reactor Operator until after my diagnosis.
Unfortunately, I realize now that a lot, if not most, of us were probably on some sort of neurodivergent spectrum, whether it is Autism or ADHD or both. This got me thinking about how a lot of people on the spectrum are prone to being abused, because we have rigid ideas about right and wrong, and the assumption that everyone else follows those rules too, even when we know, intellectually, that they don’t.
One of the biggest reasons I left that community is the bullying and harassment that occurred when I was active duty. The reason I chose to get out at my end of active service was due to the sexual harassment that I experienced. Men didn’t like women smarter than them and really didn’t like women smarter than them that wouldn’t sleep with them to get ahead. When the man has positional authority and can ruin a woman’s career, they often do. I knew that wouldn’t change in my time in the Navy.
While this was common for women in the military when I was active, there was plenty of harassment and abuse of men too. It was even worse for them, though, because it was always played off as a joke, or just ‘fun and games’. How could the guys actually report that? Just like women couldn’t report for fear of ruining their careers, the men couldn’t either.
What made this worse is that with those sailors that are Autistic, they were more likely to internalize the assault, potentially leading to anxiety and depression, and in some cases, suicide. The added difficulty of how they couldn’t get away from their assailants, as they typically shared a berthing area (sleeping area) made the psychological trauma worse. At least the women could usually escape into our segregated berthing area where men weren’t allowed.
The number of times I heard the term ‘Gay Chicken’ by my male shipmates was sickening. It is a ‘game’ to see how close a guy could get to touching another guy’s private parts before they react. It was perpetrated while on watch, in berthing, in the bathrooms. Not only is the term offensive, it is also sexual assault. Being touched, without consent is still assault. It was widely joked about, but no one actually reported the abuse.
I do not think this is or was isolated to the military. It was just more frequent and visible, as the crew on my ships were at least 75% male, and 90% male in the nuclear community. I also believe that the assault wasn’t limited to ‘Gay Chicken’, but it was the only thing that was talked about with any regularity.
I want to apologize to any of my shipmates that I didn’t think to support and defend when I was active duty. While I was going through my own trauma, I still harbor guilt about now being a better shipmate.
We, as a society, need to do better. Everyone needs to be protected from abuse. The way abuse continues is through concealment. Not talking about it allows it to perpetuate.
We also need to understand that all forms of abuse are not about the act itself. It is about power and control. All of the instances I’ve heard about, witnessed, or experienced were perpetrated by someone that wanted to exert power over someone else.
I’m sure that someone else has written about this, and there is the question of why should I. But just like we’ve observed with other hard topics in our society, the more people talk about them, the more we start to address those issues. If enough voices are raised speaking out against this kind of behavior, maybe some day the instances of abuse and assault will be reduced and the perpetrators will face justice.